Maintaining this blog is a thankless task. Unfortunately, very few understand the importance of bringing light to the darkness or holding the church to account.
And we get plenty of hate mail. Everything from “I know where your wife and kids are” (highly improbable) to “you’re an idiot and have no idea what you are talking about.” Or the ever-popular, “Good journalists don’t use anonymous sources.”
Whatever.
But every once in a while, we pull in something so over the top that we laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more.
And so it is with a recent email from someone purporting to be Bob Malm’s wife, Leslie Malm.
We’re pretty sure she doesn’t still work for Sport and Health. And we are confident that Sport and Health would disapprove of her messaging. Not to mention the nine times our editor, Eric Bonetti, has told Malm through her attorney to quit contacting him.
Of course, we’d take her a little more seriously if she could spell. Or sounded a little less irrational and hysterical.
Does the word “crazy” come to mind?
And the whole let-go-and-let-God thing seems to be the unofficial motto of the Episcopal church. (Plus, it leads to lots of bathroom jokes. We’ll spare you.)
On a more serious note, this note underscores why we refer to him as “perjuring priest Bob Malm.” Malm shows up in court, claims folks have “stalked” and “terrorized” him and his family, and that Bonetti is a “domestic terrorist.” (Yes, that is in his court pleadings.)
That raises the question: If Malm and his family are victims of “domestic terrorism,” why are they writing to us? Why do they try to keep in touch? And who the hell cares where Bonetti lives? Or thinks the matter is one for the Malm attorneys?
It doesn’t take long for most people to realize what the real Bob Malm is like. And his ability to project his issues onto others is amusing, like his claim that Bonetti is a “sad individual, starving for attention.”
Of course, being married to Bob Malm is the only thing unhealthier than being Bob Malm.
Whoops, we take that back.
Unfortunately, there is one thing unhealthier than both, and that is the toxic system that considers Bob Malm to be a priest.
Where but the Episcopal Church could someone who has “been getting away with murder for years” like Bob Malm get a job? (That’s a quote from someone who knows Bob well.)
Or get paid $200K for his feckless work ethic?
That raises the issue: Where but the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia could a simple request that the diocese mediate a dispute between Bonetti and Malm turn into years of litigation?
That’s what happened here.
And the church still has to come to terms with behavior at Bonetti’s former parish, Grace Episcopal, in Alexandria, Va. That behavior extends beyond Malm’s perjury and includes:
- Attorney Jeff Chiow‘s false police reports and courtroom fabrications;
- Former senior warden Lisa Medley, with her lies and obscene gestures;
- Alison Campbell, the childish and manipulative vestry and altar guild member; and
- Current rector Anne Turner. She lacks the integrity to call a spade a spade and testify in the litigation related to this matter.
Will the toxic cesspool that is Grace Church ever get drained? Doubtful.
Until the church comes to terms with its unhealthy conduct and brings these issues into the light of day, it cannot become healthy. Bad behavior does not lead to good relationships. And these unhealthy patterns extend back more than 30 years.
Even worse, the diocese refuses to deal with these issues. That’s part of a long-standing practice under Shannon Johnston and Susan Goff of turning a blind eye to inconvenient truths.
One of those truths is that the diocese, and Grace Episcopal Church, are organizationally narcissistic.
And neither entity can figure out why it is dying.
Let me say this for you: Bob and Leslie are batshit, along with a high percentage of people at that toxic shitshow, Grace Church. Ran like hell when I lived in Alexandria. Never looked back.
My hope is that Stevenson will take things seriously and work with Grace to clean up that toxic mess. But I am not sure he has the gumption to do it, especially this early in his tenure. Unfortunately, after 30 years of Malm, people at Grace don’t see any disconnect between their conduct and their purported faith. It is going to take a long time to fix things, and the parish may not last that long.
Anne Turner walks a fine line. She’s trying hard to move things forward, but at some point she needs to have the integrity to call a spade a spade. Also, she needs to be willing to call people out. She really falls short on this issue.
Yes, we are a resurrection people. However, resurrection only comes after death, including the idea everything is great at Grace Church.
It’s not and there are lots who need to own their role in this debacle:
– Jeff Chiow
– Lisa Medley
– Kelly Gable
– Kemp Williams
– Alison Campbell
– Leslie Steffensen
– Sven vanBaars
– Caroline Parkinson.
And lots of the old guard, including the vestry with its fabrications under Rich Kelly about how there is no truth to allegations that Malm behaves badly.
Malm is a narcissistic, manipulative, bullying, dishonest jackass. He makes clergy who genuinely love their congregations look bad. And yes, I have the misfortune of having dealt with him before. He’s also pretty silly, between the former bad wig, the hair transplant, the bad hair color, the huge belly, the shaved eyebrows, and the noisy, insecure frat boy swagger.
Some of Malm’s lies, like the whole “they’ll be retiring this year” thing about his office staff went back years. Nothing like lying to your vestry about HR issues because you don’t have the balls to deal with problems. Malm will look judges in the eye and lie, and lie to his own bishop, but he doesn’t have balls to deal with issues in his own church. That’s pretty damned sad.
Last observation, and I’ll shut my mouth: This situation has its genesis in a lack of leadership in Richmond. Yes, there is a conflict between the bishop’s role as pastor to their clergy and the bishop’s role in Title IV. But the deciding point is the imbalance of power between clergy and laity.
Very few have the courage to come forward in the first place. When someone does so, they need to be treated with respect.
Eric, I am so very sorry you had Malm in your life. Same for Johnston, Goff, and that wanker Alan Gates. The church has behaved appallingly badly towards you. At this point I don’t think it can fix things, but it damned well needs to try.
Either way, just know that many, me included, love you very much.
I am glad you are able to maintain a sense of humor.
P.S. Wayne Cyron doesn’t have enough years left to say all the Hail Mary’s he’s gonna need. Guess he’s glad Rome pulled the plug on purgatory.
PS I don’t know what to think about Anne Turner’s decision to apply for the rector position. The parish got few applicants and for good reason.
Nor am I a fan of either associate rector. We’ll leave it at that.
Personally, I wouldn’t serve there for anything. The only difference between being a priest at Grace and bringing salvation to the headhunters is that parishioners at Grace don’t use boiling oil.
At least, I don’t think they do.
I especially like the video footage of Lisa Medley, in her white Acura, giving E the double middle finger just moments after leaving church.
Generally, I try not to flip people off on same day as church. The ole’ 24-hour rule. 😉
Does she have any idea how many thousands of people have seen her acting like an ass? Or how many people have taken a pass on the parish because of that sort of hypocrisy?
But hey, she sees no contradiction between her behavior and the baptismal covenant.
Where but Grace Church?
And yeah, trying to convince our fearless editor to post it here LOL
The Episcopal Church never ceases to amaze in it pettiness, gaslighting, and all around desire to save “face” when confronted about its shortcomings.