Disclosure: Anglican Watch editor Eric Bonetti is a former member of Grace Episcopal Church.
Grace Episcopal Church in Alexandria, VA, has invited rector Anne Turner to return to ministry following the Diocese of Virginia’s suspension of her for adultery. While Diocesan officials have approved the decision, Anglican Watch believes it is unwise and will cause lasting harm to the parish and its people.
Why do we believe that?
The answer centers on the church’s troubled interpersonal dynamics, which in large part stem from perjuring priest Bob Malm’s narcissism and abusive conduct, combined with his 30-year tenure.
As with any church faced with this situation, Grace’s collective persona is much like Malm—ostensibly friendly and welcoming but toxic, manipulative, and abusive right beneath the shiny veneer.
The result is that members see no conflict between their purported values of inclusion and dignity for every human being and gossiping, bullying, lying, shunning, and other sordid behaviors. For example, one young parishioner who grew up in the parish sent a member of the Anglican Watch team a message telling him to “go kill yourself.”
Nice.
Manipulative behavior
Turner, who served as an associate rector at Grace Church early in her career, shares that propensity for hypocrisy, as manifested by her manipulative efforts to escape public criticism for her conduct.
For example, Turner contacted the platform that hosts AnneTurner.net to complain that the site made public confidential information about her adulterous affair. But as a priest, the violation of her ordination vows is relevant, newsworthy, and an appropriate topic for reporting—a stance reflected in US defamation laws.
Moreover, Turner’s claim that her husband’s name and occupation are confidential is neither true nor believable. Specifically, her spouse, Stephen Watts, is an advisor to the Secretary of Defense, and that information is readily available on LinkedIn and other public sources.
So, our position is that Turner’s time and attention would be better spent in cleaning up her own conduct, versus worrying about reporting about her conduct.
After all, if nothing else, we’d welcome the opportunity to shutter this publication. But by all appearances, that’s not happening any time soon, given the frequency of clergy misconduct in the denomination.
Questionable veracity
As to Turner’s assertion that she was no longer having an affair when the matter became public, spare us. We find that claim improbable, at best.
For example, as recently as May 2023, Turner was calling and texting her unfaithful partner, including sending heart-shaped emoticons. And while she claims they were “just friends,” we find it difficult to believe that, having had an affair, Turner would then keep in touch. Indeed, if she did, that reflects an alarming lack of common sense, much like the alcoholic who keeps a fully stocked bar in their home, just in case.
Come to think of it, if Turner and her boyfriend were “just friends,” why were they not friends on Facebook? After all, if her explanation is truthful, they had nothing to hide. Indeed, transparency often is the key to integrity, yet the denomination typically conducts much of its business behind closed doors, even as it trumpets its supposedly inclusive nature.
Moreover, Turner’s affair is not like a one-night stand after a holiday party—which is not to say that a one-time fling is acceptable, either.
But there’s a big difference between a one-off incident of bad behavior and an ongoing adulterous affair. And while Turner claims that her affair had ended before it became public, it is indisputable that her behavior involved an ongoing pattern of deceit and dishonesty that extended to almost everyone in her life.
Lack of respect
Moreover, Turner’s conduct reflects a lack of respect for her boyfriend’s current partner, who was none too happy with Turner’s behavior. Indeed, in these cases it is imperative that past sexual partners either move on completely, or act in a manner that is absolutely above reproach.
Nor doe Turner’s actions reflect respect for her husband, daughter, or other family members, not to mention her parishioners.
Speaking of respect, Turner’s affair and her lies to her parishioners, including about being on a spiritual retreat when, in reality, she was traveling with her boyfriend, reflect a profound disregard for others. And while her correspondence makes clear that she was well aware of the risk to her career, nowhere do we see any concern for church members or others.
Instead, it’s all about Turner and her perceived needs.
Relatedly, while Turner likes to bloviate on Sundays about truth and respecting the dignity of every human being, those claims look spectacularly thin when it comes to her refusal to testify in the litigation between former parishioner Eric Bonetti and the parish over former rector Bob Malm’s claims that Bonetti is a “domestic terrorist.” Something about knowing the truth and having it set you free….
Indeed, Turner even ignored an email from Bonetti’s husband, Mike Smith, asking to attend the funeral of a parishioner. Truly, it doesn’t get much lower than that.
Nor do we see any sign that Turner will address issues with former Grace vestry member Jeff Chiow and his various courtroom fabrications, including that Bonetti is a “domestic terrorist” inspired by an imaginary church shooting in the fictional town of “Sugarland, Texas.” Fortunately, these statements are set forth in the church’s pleadings, so they are matters of public record, reflecting on Grace Church and its lack of integrity for decades to come.
Hypocrisy
Of course, these are microcosms of life on Planet Malm, where the rector talks a good game, but the reality is that there’s less than no substance to the underlying claims. In other words, personal and collective hypocrisy run rampant at Grace Church, and this paradigm has only marginally improved since the Diocese suspended Turner.
Or, as one former church employee put it, “I would never be a member of your church, and it’s because of the way people talk to each other. And it goes right to the top. And I’ll tell you right now: Bob will never say anything about it. And because he engages in a certain amount of that himself, he shows that it’s okay.”
In other words, Anne’s example tells parishioners it’s okay to say and do whatever they want as long as the Sunday soundbites are good.
Lack of judgment
Then, we come to Turner’s lack of judgment.
Turner’s skewed judgment begins with her trifecta of violating her baptismal, marriage, and ordination vows by deciding to have an affair. This decision appears to have resulted from stress over Turner’s diagnosis of breast cancer, as well as her unhappiness in her marriage.
But these issues suggest that Turner needed outside mental health support, not an affair. The questions she needed to ask were:
- What is lacking in my marriage that makes me look outside of it for satisfaction?
- What options do I have to act with integrity while addressing my needs?
As for Turner’s claims that she loves her boyfriend, those are hogwash.
Anyone with half the common sense God gave a goat knows that what begins in deception doesn’t end well, and affairs are no exception.
Love is not a feeling or emotion so much as it is a commitment to the ongoing care and support of another person, including one’s spouse and family members. Or, in the words of the Episcopal marriage liturgy, “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death.”
And the notion that texting back and forth, a bunch of phone calls, and some hook-ups are the same as love is nothing short of delusional, regardless of any emotional connection that may be there.
Resurrection for me and not for thee
Relatedly, Turner likes to say that “we are a resurrection people.” But that begs the question of who is eligible for resurrection.
In Turner’s case, she and the parish will soon roll away the rock from the entrance to the tomb of her misconduct. Yes, we’ll see a few apologies, some references to lessons learned, and the obligatory hoo-ha about how happy she is to be back at Grace Church.
But don’t think for an instant that this approach extends to others. Indeed, folks like Bonetti’s husband, Mike Smith, who never did anything to anyone, will remain persona non grata at Grace. Dunderheads like David Crosby, who lacks any firsthand knowledge of the matter, will continue to bloviate behind the scenes about former parishioner Eric Bonetti’s purported mental illness and propensity for domestic terrorism, thanks to Bob Malm’s perjury and his defamatory claims that Bonetti has “terrorized” Malm and his family.
And just like Bob Malm when he sees misconduct among the laity, Turner will never have the backbone to say or do anything about these behaviors. Instead, it will all be about slapping a layer of happy-clappy Jesus-babble on things, pretending nothing ever happened, and carrying on with the usual prattle about love, kindness, and forgiveness.
In other words, Turner’s return, the parish’s concern about reconciliation with her (despite the fact that Turner is the bad actor, not the church), and her unwarranted severance package all underscore the denomination’s toxic clericalism.
Further, these factors emphasize that, while the church gasses about scarce resources, it has money to burn when it comes to protecting the status quo—even though the church is indifferent to its own misconduct in other situations.
More of the same
Having been “trained” by Malm — who alarmingly enough claims to be able to teach people how to be priests, despite an appalling inability to be a priest himself — Turner is a blast from the not-so-distant past, and not in a good way at all. Indeed, while she’s ostensibly progressive and inclusive, Turner is a throwback to Malm’s 30 years of feckless narcissism.
That plays into Grace’s worldview. In that regard, the parish is a typical Episcopal community in that it looks longingly back on a mythological glorious past. But the reality is far different; Grace has a long and sordid record of bad behavior, wrapped neatly in personal and collective narcissism and Malm’s weird juxtaposition of friendly and controlling behavior, mixed with triumphalism and feckless indifference.
In other words, Turner’s return spells bad news for a church that must dramatically change its ways if it wants to survive, even as it clings desperately to the past.
And yes, we recognize that, for many years, the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia has deployed a double standard for adultery. For example, married Tom Simmons of Purcellville rolls around on the back deck of his home with his girlfriend, and no one gives a damn. That, despite claims that he’s made inappropriate comments about girls in his parish and their bodies. Yet Turner gets suspended over an affair that she claims ended long ago.
But therein lies the problem. Specifically, clergy discipline in the Episcopal Church is a hit-or-miss proposition. Married priest Stephen Edmondson gets the heave-ho for an adulterous affair with a married parishioner. In contrast, Simmons’ affair with a parishioner from the Episcopal church down the road elicits a big yawn.
Meanwhile, corrupt Title IV intake officers, like the Rev. Sven vanBaars, who knowingly refuses to follow church canons, linger on in the Diocese, waiting for their next opportunity to undercut confidence in the denomination and its clergy disciplinary canons (despite no longer serving as an intake officer).
In short, the quirky, inconsistent, and irrational clergy disciplinary process in the Episcopal Church, which often takes years and produces minimal results, is a disaster for the denomination and undercuts its claim to any moral authority.
Nothing highlights the problems in the Episcopal Church and Grace Church more than bringing adulterous, dishonest, troubled, and hypocritical Anne Turner back as rector. While we would welcome a situation in which the church proves us wrong, it’s a safe bet that we will never see Grace Church and its members actually repent of their misconduct.
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