You know things have gotten bad when the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia tacitly approves of adultery.
And so it is with allegations that the Rev. Dr. Tom Simmons, rector of St. Peter’s Episcopal in Purcellville, himself married to Tait North Simmons (daughter of Iran-Contra figure Ollie North), has committed adultery with the wife of Tom K. a member of Warrenton Presbyterian.
Below, we are going to have Tom tell his story in his own words, edited only for mechanics and clarity.
But before we do, it’s important to note how the Episcopal Diocese has responded to Tom’s Title IV complaint. It sent Simmons to counseling, and did NOTHING for Tom. That is a violation of the express language of the Title IV disciplinary canons, which require a pastoral response (not the same as pastoral care, though that may be part of it) in every case in which a complaint is made to an intake officer, and for ALL victims of misconduct. In other words, it rewarded the miscreant while it brushed off the victim. And it violated canonically mandated confidentiality.
Nor is this the first time Bishop Susan Goff has ignored church canons in this manner. Anglican Watch knows of at least five other cases is which she has done so. Additionally, we know of multiple cases where she has ignored the canons simply because she can’t be bothered — including a case of criminal conduct by a priest.
Moreover, the diocese’s actions in this matter run directly counter to its handling of similar such situations. For example, when the rector of St. Thomas’ McLean, Stephen Edmondson, was found to be having an affair, he was forced to resign holy orders, but not before the diocese helped him train for a new gig as a life coach. And even then folks weren’t candid; Stephen told the parish he had no plans to change career paths, yet the very reason for the training was to enable him to transition. But hey—what’s a lie among friends?
So why are adulterers being rewarded, and victims ignored? How is that Christian? And how is it appropriate to have an adulterer as an active priest?
And for the record, any such decision has to be approved by Susan Goff. As Ecclesiastical Authority for the diocese, Title IV makes her directly and personally responsible for this outrageous state of affairs. She is responsible, and she needs to be removed from office, NOW.
As to intake officer Sven vanBaars, staff at Anglican Watch have personally dealt with him. It is our belief that he is morally bankrupt and unwilling to follow church canons; this decision confirms that, since by definition he is also part of the reference panel. He is another one where the sooner he makes himself scarce the better off we will all be. And it is profoundly arrogant for vanBaars to turn his back on victims of abuse, all while coddling the perpetrator. Jesus would have little use — not to mention choice words — for such stumbling blocks.
A word to the inevitable lawyers: These are all allegations, and we have not independently verified them. But we find the videos, emails, and other evidence convincing and compelling. Several of these are included at the end of the post. Be sure to check out the videos.
Amusingly, Simmons is an opponent of same-sex marriage. Seeing his disrespect for his own marriage, and his disrespect for the marriages of others, no thanks. He can keep it. And any priest willing to break his marriage vows once will surely do it again, so anyone planning to marry him is in for a rude awakening, A sacred oath is just that — sacred — and Tom has zero regard for the promises he has made before God, the church, and his wife. And if we were members of Tom’s church, we would be deeply offended by his hypocrisy and lack of respect.
Oh, and it’s interesting that Susan Goff defrocked Lura Caval for not obeying her instructions, but adultery is okay. Maybe Goff should be less worried about lèse-majesté and more about Christian conduct. And it is worth noting that Goff refuses to address Bob Malm’s criminal perjury on the grounds that he hasn’t been convicted. In other words, Goff is a seriously corrupt Episcopal bishop.
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Here, in Tom’s own words:
It begins
My wife and I have been a couple for nearly 32 years, and married for over 24 years. When stress and trouble entered our marriage, so did Thomas W. Simmons, rector of St. Pete’s Episcopal Church in Purcellville, Virginia, to prey on my wife, break up my family, and destroy my marriage.
I became aware that my wife had created a profile on Match.com, when I was updating her iPhone for her, in September, 2021. I confronted her about it shortly after. She was a bit angry about it, but also assured me that she was just checking it out. I was not happy she had posted photos of our children on that profile, but she explained that it was just a fantasy.
What I did not know until later, was that Simmons had connected with her on August 17, 2021. He was searching for “flirty fun” women, according to his communications, and had a Match.com profile as well. Simmons is also married, with five children. He is now in the process of getting a divorce. Of course, as a married member of clergy that has been openly advertising for women on websites, with his photo on full display, it seems that was inevitable.
My wife began “talking to her sister” much more frequently, and would go off in a quiet place to talk. One evening, in early October, I came back from grocery shopping, and she was upstairs with the bedroom door closed, while the children were both upstairs and downstairs. As I came up the stairs and called for her, I opened the door, and she had “just hung up from talking to her sister.” However, I noticed that she had been under the covers on the bed, and had been there for some time, based on the warmth I felt when she left the room.
As found during the investigation, Simmons was communicating with my wife constantly during this time, asking her out on dates, and sending her his phone number so they could speak directly. He was diligent and continued to pursue her whenever she failed to respond.
First date
She went to The Farm Brewery in Haymarket on Monday, October 25, 2021, ostensibly to meet “friends,” but she was meeting Simmons. She was supposed to meet me to do grocery shopping after, but ended up running quite late. I used the Life360 app we both have on our phones to find where she was, and found she was at nearby St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in Haymarket for 30 minutes or more. She said one of her friends thought they had a baptism there, and they were just checking it out. It was very dark outside at the time. The whole story seemed a bit odd. I also noticed she dressed differently than she usually does for “mom” gatherings, including denim short shorts on a cool evening, with heeled boots.
This was apparently their first date, but things progressed quickly with “Mr. Enthusiasm,” as Simmons describes himself, since he followed up the next day via email to my wife, expressing “What a thrill to make-out with you in the rain last night!” He went on to tell her that “I could see you becoming a best friend and lover which…would mean a marriage.” He went on, in this lengthy email to my wife, describing how “becoming stepdad and helping raise your kids would be a calling from God,” and referred to the appeal of getting “replacement children,” as he has been estranged from his own children.
Sickeningly, as he discussed his own pastoral experience in dealing with marriage counseling, he told her that “Never thought I’d be THAT GUY!” while discussing the forthcoming adultery between them. He also discussed his severe drug use problems, and the Episcopal canon concerns he had, before concluding that “I’d like to be a man in whom you can securely entrust your heart, and your daughters and your future.” Keep in mind, all that was in a single email, after they had just one date.
Discovery
I noticed the following weekend, that she was texting excessively. Particularly on that Sunday, and I became very concerned something untoward was happening. I asked her directly, but was rebuffed. She was a bit giddy about the texts. I noted the phone number that the messages were coming from when she left the phone on the coffee table for a few minutes. Of course, it turned out this was Simmons.
The next morning, she went to tennis, as was her normal habit. However, she told me that she was playing a second game and would not be home until later. Worried, I checked Life360, and saw she had turned it off right after the time of her first game. Out of concern, I went to the club, and found her returning some three hours later, in the Ford Flex driven by the person I now know as Simmons.
We spoke that night, and I begged her to go to counseling with me, and after she demanded terms, she finally agreed. Regardless, counseling was a disaster. At this point, I had no idea how much coaching she was already getting from Simmons.
My wife and Simmons quickly established a pattern of meeting on Mondays, since that was his day off, and they switched over to using an application called Telegram, in an attempt to hide their communications. However, at this point, I began to work through my own contacts to put them under surveillance. They spent time in secluded parks, among other locations, and just three weeks after their first date, they were spending time alone in his parish house late at night. Simmons also began introducing my wife to members of the congregation, and was attending social events with her at the members’ home. At this point, they were graphically fondling each other in public places in Purcellville. All of this, and quite a bit more, was captured by investigators.
Confrontation
A few weeks later, my wife and I took our children on our annual Thanksgiving trip to visit friends in Georgia. Simmons was aware of this trip, but had no respect, even messaging her while she was sitting in the passenger seat next to me. Given the trouble we were discussing in counseling, we took the decision she would stay at our friends’ home, while I stayed with the children at a nearby hotel. One of the first evenings there, she was drinking heavily, and she and Simmons were openly messaging on Telegram. I learned that she described to our friends that she was now “done” and was “already dating someone else.” This had been less than a month from their first date.
When we returned from the trip, the relationship between my wife and Simmons seemed to be fueled by a new level of lustful energy, as they began meeting more frequently, and my wife declared that Mondays would henceforth be called “No Mom Mondays,” along with various other days of the week. During this time, they became increasingly bold, canoodling on the deck of the parish house and other places. Simmons also began sending my wife confidential information about his own divorce, as he continued to advise her. He was even blind-copying my wife directly on communications with his own attorney, in complete violation of trust and privilege.
With conclusive evidence in hand from investigators, I confronted my wife on December 8, 2021. I described what I knew, what information had been gathered against her and Simmons, and how we might proceed. I even had a draft settlement agreement drafted, as an option for her, if that was what she truly wanted. Her response was a combination of anger and dismissal.
Of course, she immediately contacted Simmons about what happened, but oddly, it seemed to have no effect on either of them, as he sent her an email later that evening, graphically describing their sexual activities and how much he was looking forward to performing oral sex on her the following Monday, after he returned from a trip to Pennsylvania. Perhaps he was just hoping to reassure “Doe” (one of his pet names for her, along with “D-light”, while she calls him, “Buck”), that the lustful adultery would continue unbated.
Indeed, their adultery continued without pause. While my wife and I agreed to keep things as normal as we could through Christmas, she became physically and verbally aggressive with me, and there are now criminal charges against her as a result. She eventually found an apartment and moved out on January 6th. The adultery between she and Simmons has continued without interruption, as she has admitted in court filings, both at the parish house, and in dark parking lots.
During this same time, Simmons continued to send and copy my wife on sensitive documents about his own life, including correspondence with both his attorney and his psychiatrist. In these documents, he admitted committing violence against his own children, and there is a letter from his adult son requesting Simmons be kept away from his minor children because “he has repeatedly shown himself to be an impulsive, violent and negligent man, and fully unworthy of being entrusted with a minor’s well-being.” These documents also describe how the Episcopal Church gave him “pastoral care” for his violence and anger management issues.
Despite my efforts to reach an agreement and the revisions I made to the agreement at her request, it finally reached a point that there was no other reasonable path forward, and after considerable prayer, I filed for divorce in April. When the process server attempted to deliver the court documents to her at the parish house where she was that day, Simmons answered the door, and after several questions, he denied she was there (even though her car was in the driveway and her cell phone was inside the parish house). The process server was aghast at the lie. Perhaps my wife had paid Simmons thirty pieces of silver for his silence?
Report
I had been in contact with an intake officer with the Episcopal Church, starting in December 2021. At first, I was very hesitant to disclose a lot of information, as I understood the likely result would lay a heavy burden on the congregation of St. Pete’s. After more prayer, and discussing the matter with the Episcopal intake officer, as well as my own spiritual advisors, I provided the detail and evidence to the Episcopal Church intake officer in early May 2022. As I was told, the matter was referred to an Episcopal investigator by a Reference Panel, led by Canon Abbott Bailey. Further, I was told that Simmons would be notified of the charges against him. As soon as Simmons was notified, I received a series of text messages from my wife, which read in part, “I really wish you would recognize that Simmons is not going anywhere,” and “You can change the narrative right now.” When I did not acquiesce to her demands, she went to the court the following day and swore out a temporary protective order based on wild assertions, including that I had a “three-letter government agency” following her. Of course, that order was immediately dismissed when the court saw it was retaliatory, but not before the police had come into my daughters’ bedrooms and took them in the middle of the night. I wonder if this is the kind of marital counseling that Simmons typically provides, or just when he is committing adultery with my wife?
During this time, my wife mentioned details about the Episcopal Church investigation that only Simmons would know. Of course, given the ongoing adultery, and Simmons demonstrated lack of respect for confidential and privileged matters, it was not a surprise. I reported the violation of confidentiality to Canon Bailey, and noted that this represented additional crimes, including violations of Canon IV.6.11 and by Canon IV.11.5 that in part direct “persons, prior to being interviewed by the investigator, shall be advised of the confidential nature of the investigation . . ..” A few days later to this additional complaint, I received an email from J.P. Causey, from the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia, stating that they would remind Simmons of the need for confidentiality in the process. However, no other action was apparently taken.
When I received notice of the official charges against Simmons, it seemed to be conclusive, given the clear evidence provided to the investigator, which included emails and video of them, as mentioned above. The document stated:
As a Title IV Intake Officer I am reporting to you about information you provided to me on May 6, 2022 in which you allege that the Rev. Tom W. Simmons knowingly entered into and has maintained an extramarital, physically-intimate relationship with Ms. [redacted].
As an Intake Officer, it is my determination that, in my opinion, the above information, if true, would constitute an Offense according to Canon IV.4.1(b,c, and h.9), as shown below:
Canon 4: Of Standards of Conduct
- In exercise his or her ministry, a Member of the Clergy shall:
4.1(h.9) “refrain from any conduct unbecoming a Member of the Clergy.”
4.1(b): “conform to the rubrics of the Book of Common Prayer.”
4.1 (c) “abide by the promises and vows made when ordained.”
With a prayerful and reverent heart, I awaited the response from the Episcopal Church. Meanwhile, my wife has continued her relationship with Simmons, and he has done little to hide it. At some point, her unusual first name even began showing up (without her last name, of course), on the weekly prayer list for the congregation. While I do believe all of us need prayer, I am certain most of the congregation have not understood that they were praying for the person Simmons is committing adultery with, nor have they understood that his flagrant conduct has led to the disintegration of my family.
My wife has been following the plan Simmons outlined for her, and for him to get his replacement family: she is keeping our children from me, telling them details of our divorce (leaving out any detail detrimental to her, of course), and has recently purchased a house in Purcellville. Just as they put together a list of fantasy locations they are planning to have sex (i.e., in the back of a pickup truck), they seem to have a list of fantasies about the future. Simmons has been pushing for these things since the very start of the relationship.
Result
After not hearing any updates for a number of weeks, my Episcopal advisor, Tom Hahn, reached out to Canon Bailey for information on the process. Several days later, in mid-July, 2022, I received a response from Canon Bailey, stating that the panel had met, and decided that they would recommend “pastoral care,” and that’s it. Not only had the process taken an exceptionally long time, but despite the clear evidence (and admission in legal filings) that Simmons both had, and continues to engage in adultery, they decided to do nothing of consequence. I spoke with my Episcopal advisor, who was gutted. He noted that another member of clergy had been recently defrocked, because that person had violated a directive from the bishop (Ed., that would be Lura Kaval. Nothing like the sin of lèse-majesté.) He had no explanation why, based on Simmons history of “pastoral care” for other serious issues, Simmons was again given nothing more than a sticky-note in his file. Apparently, the Episcopal Church considers a violation of the word of man, far more serious than a violation of the Word of God.
My children and I have been failed by the Episcopal Church. We have been grievously wounded by Simmons, and when we reached out to the church, we were dismissed, still bleeding and hurt. Meanwhile, Simmons continues to commit adultery with with my wife. He is still married to his wife, and my wife is still married to me. In its meek and pathetic inaction, the Episcopal Church is supporting and participating in this ongoing sin. The blood of my marriage is on the hands of Canon Bailey, Susan Goff, J. P. Causey, Sven vanBaars, the Standing Committee, and other Episcopal leaders, as they support Simmons in destroying the sanctity of marriage and stealing the well-being of my children. And for the record, Presiding Bishop Curry and Todd Ousley have first-hand knowledge of the Diocese of Virginia and its refusal to follow church disciplinary canons. So it is no wonder that there is widespread disrespect for the diocese and the larger denomination.
About me
I am a father of four wonderful children, including an adult son, and three younger daughters. I am a life-long Presbyterian (though my wife and I were married at The Falls Church Episcopal, where she attended before we were married), and a native Virginian. I have been a serial entrepreneur, and proudly built businesses that have employed thousands of people. I had a great and loving marriage. It’s now gone, and the Episcopal Church doesn’t care.
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Here is a letter from Simmons’ son alleging violent and inappropriate conduct towards his children:
And here is a letter from the Rev. Dr. Tom Simmons to K’s wife discussing their adultery:
Following is an explicit email from Simmons:
Videos:
Our heartfelt prayers go out to the children and others hurt by this appalling conduct, including that of the Diocese of Virginia.
And one final comment to the allegedly adulterous wife: Surely you know that a marriage begun in adultery is doomed to fail. If you don’t realize that, do yourself a favor and ask a counselor. And for the record, the empty flattery is grooming, 101. You are dealing with someone whom we believe to be a narcissist. If that is correct, you and all involved will get hurt, except for Simmons. He will drop you without remorse, without looking back, and move on to his next toy. It will be all about his needs, with you, your children, and your family just being a means to getting those needs met.
In other words, you’re being played. Please don’t get hurt.
As for the diocese, it often can and does turn a blind eye to boundary violations by clergy. That is exactly what is happening here, as clergy as always responsible for maintaining boundaries. Always. No exceptions.
But while the diocese looks the other way when it comes to clergy, far too often they will treat you not as the injured party, but the guilty party who caused a priest to stumble. That’s irrational and unfair, but that is how they roll. And you will be persona non grata in the end.
Please think carefully before you get hurt, as well as your children and family.
Lastly, to Susan Goff, Svan vaan Baars, Canon Bailey, J.P. Causey, and the rest of the motley crew involved, we say this: You disgust and appall us. You make absolutely no effort to work for healing and reconciliation; it’s all about protecting the church, looking after the priest, and the rest of us poor slobs can go straight to hell. You don’t even rise to the level of being Christians, and you have no business being clergy. The fact you can’t even see the harm you are causing, or recognize that you are violating church law, bespeaks persons beneath contempt.
Simply put, you have zero empathy towards those hurt by the church. And don’t you dare claim that the matter is confidential — not only have Simmons and the diocese violated confidentiality with impunity, but you have no right to try to control what a victim can or cannot share.
So please, before you kill the Episcopal Church as we know it, tender your resignations immediately. You have no legitimate role as clergy. And Jesus would be outraged at your lack of compassion.
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* The lovely image at the top of the article is one Simons allegedly texted Tom K’s wife. We found it fitting, under the circumstances.
Your claims may or may not be true, but clergy are held to a higher standard. The canons say:
So, we have adultery, drug use, and violence towards his own children. In other words, no matter what Tom K may have done, Simmons is flat-out wrong and should not be a priest. Priests are always responsible for maintaining boundaries, no excuses, no explanations, no exceptions.
As for the children from Tom K’s marriage, the wife is perpetrating a serious wrong by putting their children in a situation in which there are already credible claims of domestic violence. The letter from Simmons’ own son alleging abuse should be an all-hands-to-battle-stations moment; only a fool would conclude that the situation is safe for the incoming children from Tom K’s marriage.
As for his wife, she is so obviously being played like a fiddle that it is sad. “Lovebombing,” the phase when a narcissist tells the victim how special they are, how much they have in common, how he wants to spend his future together, and more is nothing more than a ploy to pull the victim in. But when she is no longer useful, the narc will give her the heave-ho without a second thought. She met his needs, and now he’s done. Or, as Maya Angelou puts it:
I think it’s a safe prediction that, besides the kids, it’s the wife who’s going to get hurt. And when that happens, she will have no one. And it’s going to be damned painful when she sees she’s been played.
And as for the diocese, in true ham-handed fashion it is making the situation worse for all involved. Simmons needs to receive a pastoral directive saying, “No mas,” forbidding contact with the wife, and removing him from parish ministry until such time as he stops living a lie.
As for Susan Goff and the clueless nomenklatura, they need to go. Any bunch with such a skewed sense of ethics needs to leave ministry before they cause further harm. The Lombard Mennonite Peace Center needs to be brought in, and some serious apologies are in order. And it is time to quit sweeping abuse under the rug.
In other words, it is time for the church to show a little integrity.
PS You are welcome to provide documentation to support your claims. But I can tell you this — groups are already demanding that Simmons be defrocked. And it’s amusing that Simmons opposes same-sex marriage, yet he treat his own heterosexual marriage with utter disrespect.
Tell you anything?
Sorry, who are you talking to here? Did someone post a comment, to which you responded, which has since been removed? Not sure who you’re responding to here & how it fits in to the bigger conversation about this concerning situation…
We did in fact nuke one commenter who got out of hand. We strongly favor free speech, but with free speech comes responsibility to act like an adult.
We are dealing with two very messed up individuals — Simmons and the wife. In the case of the adulterous wife, she is so clueless she doesn’t even realize she’s being played. Guaranteed when Simmons gets what he is after she gets kicked to the curb. Guaranteed.
A word of caution: The above appears to have come from Tom K’s wife. Our research indicates it may be defamatory per se. In such cases, damages need not be proven and may include punitive damages. We strongly suggest you make sure that these claims are 100 percent accurate. Otherwise, you face the possibility of devastating liability. Further, we urge you to consult an attorney who specializes in defamation and slander. You should also note that your IP address has been logged and will be made available in the event of a civil action.
Put succinctly: An extremely foolish remark to make.
~ Editor
Again,… sorry… to whom are you speaking here? Are you speaking to Anglican Watch? Or are YOU “Anglican Watch” ?
Usually it’s me, the editor. Although sometimes a volunteer will cover for me.
Also, please provide the “substantiated” evidence you allude to.
Dr. Stinkbomb’s Rx for adulterous wife: 1) Fill bucket with ice water. 2) Soak head for at least 30 minutes. 3) Lather, rinse, repeat. 4) When hair is dry, wrap in aluminum foil. 5) Drive to emergency room. 6) Tell attending physician aluminum is not working and three-letter agency continues to pursue you. 7) Apply for seminary.
No one things adultery is a good idea. But just curious.. you sound like someone who is really WAY invested in this. Why the fury in your comments? Do you have some personal vendetta against this Simmons guy? Not justifying the behavior claimed – or alleged – but.. .why are you so obviously personally so deep in this that you’re being kind of .. I don’t know… sort of not exactly professional and balanced and objective about it? Just say, “IF Simmons did all that, then yes, it was wrong and needs to be disciplined fully.” … But… why are you so deep in your feelings about this as tho you have some personal grudge, some axe to grind? Just wondering… it seems kinda… like you’re a stand-in for this Tom K person or something… hard to take you seriously, in a way… Just a friendly word, take it or leave it….
Dr.Stinkbomb’s Rx for Tom Simmons: Stop living a lie. You are a freeloading, manipulative sack of shit.
Check back tomorrow and I’ll list your bad qualities.
Now for Simmons’ bad qualities:
Bottom line: Total trailer park trash.
I am going to try to make this as kind as possible. My recommendations:
1. At least for now, go cold turkey on Tom. Anyone running Match.com ads while married, and discussing marriage after one date, has issues.
2. See a professional counselor—and NOT a biblical counselor.
3. Act on his or her advice.
As things stand, you are setting yourself for a lot of pain and loneliness.
What an appalling and disgraceful situation. The only thing worse than the clueless wife is the inept and feckless diocese; it just spent seven years arguing in court over its canons, but when it comes to real human suffering the canons aren’t worth shit.
Such hypocrites and stumbling blocks.
And no one in the standing or executive committees except for Tom Hahn has the courage to say anything.
I sincerely hope there is a hell do that Susan Goff, Sven Van Baars, J.P. Causey and others have suitable accommodations on the hereafter.
Let’s call a spade a spade.
Unless Stevenson comes in and cleans out the dead wood, including J. P. Causey with his utter lack of concern for others, what we are watching is not so much a tawdry affair, but the final days of the Episcopal Church. Where else can you find a diocese, bishop, and priests who think this sort of thing is okay?
At this point, we are looking at about 15 more Easters.
I agree. We are seeing the mortal agony of a dying church. But the church does not have the integrity to admit it is dying.
Let me get this straight: Lura Kaval gets deposed because she allegedly doesn’t follow Queen Susan’s orders. Yet Queen Susan is free to disregard orders in the form of church canons whenever she wants?
”Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and [w]cumin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the Law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others. 24You blind guides, who [x]strain out a gnat and swallow a camel!’
Second request: Please provide documentation of your claims. We will remove your comment as defamatory absent evidence to the contrary.
We have removed N.S.’s comments on the basis that our investigation suggests they are defamatory and she has ignored two requests to provide documentation of her claims. Further inaccurate claims will result in her being banned from the site. After all, she claims her allegations of affairs were substantiated, so it should be a simple matter to share the “substantiation.”
Kudos for yanking the wife’s comments. Not only is she manipulative and clueless, but she doesn’t even have the integrity to get a divorce first before the adulterous antics, meaning she is hedging her bets.
BTW, I would welcome comments from Tait North Simmons. Something tells me that she has been treated most unfairly.
She’d do well to stay away from John Yates and Co. Bad karma has a way of coming home to roost. And it’s richly ironic that you can’t be gay at TFCA, but you can be an adulterer. Just like you can’t criticize Bob Malm at Grace, but adultery—well, he’s just not that way,.
Folks, we’ve suspended automatic content moderation due to its overly draconian approach to free speech. I made the decision as some of the misconduct we discuss results in real pain, which needs to be discussed. But let’s try not to lose sight of the Baptismal Covenant. I don’t want to become like TEC — sounds good on Sunday, means nothing when Lisa Medley gets a mile down the road and flips me off while driving.
Wait a minute… Woah, woah WOAH… What about John Yates??? He seems like a stand-up dude? Is there some adultery story at TFCA? I don’t believe it. That can’t be… surely not involving John Yates???
…Hey man… Stinkbomb, or whatever your name is… I’ve got really close friends at TFCA, who are really, REALLY super-new Christians, & they think that place is really good like has integrity & isn’t full of BS…but… are you telling me… its NOT a good place? That there’s hidden crap no one talks about? B/c I have my own problems w/ it but I didnt think John Yates was in any way a bad dude, … nor does the new guy seem to be a bad dude either… am I reading this place wrong? I feel bad now, recommending my friends who live near Falls Church & who liked how they handled the food drive during Covid (& other community outreach stuff). I feel bad telling my friends to go there. If its just another church harboring undisciplined, unrepentant sexual sin folks who won’t admit it. Cover ups. Can you help inlighten me b/c I’m so confused now. But still thanks for speaking up. I’m glad to know if theres something I gotta know.
Yates clearly had his issues, ranging from his alleged cover-up of sexual misconduct to his sending no-trespassing letters to openly LGBT members of his parish. Obviously, this publication is pro-inclusion, but we respect those with a different view. That said, we do not endorse barring anyone from worshipping God.
Of course, most churches have skeletons in their closets, so I wouldn’t automatically write off the church. But I would go in eyes open.
And I will tell you that one of my best friends is a member of TFCA. I am not sure how it works, since I am openly gay, but it does. So faith does strange things.
Thanks for writing.
Oh, man. OK. Hey thanks so much for writing back. I’m just concerned for some new friends – new believers, super duper new to the faith – who have found some healthy fellowship (or so they thought) at TFCA… And they have so far seemed to really hold in high view John Yates as like a total for real decent guy… but please tell me theres not been sexual stuff there that he covered up.. like what are we talkinbout here, like, someone having an affair, consenting adults or like kids or something? Not that I’m okay w/ adultery on staff or w/ major important people int he church who are supposed to be leaders and what not but plz tell me no kids are minor are involved. If so I feel i ned to tell my friends to get the hell out of htere and totally find something healthier. And I don’t want to believe that John Yates himself was involved in any of this was he? Maybe it was just his vestry or pillers of the church or something? Or was it himself that covered up something? Sorry to ask so many questions, I’m just struggling here w/ feeling really disillusioned, and with respecting John Yates and TFCA and this is the first I’ve heard that something may be actually not so cool there. Thanks for helping me sort this out. This is so sad for new believers. They shouldn’t have to know about this when they are just first falling in love with a new faith that finally has given them a place to feel loved. I’m so sad right now. Thanks for helping me. I don’t know what’s real anymore – if you can help me find any resources where I can find the truth about this (not just gossip, but actual verifiable resources) that would help. I don’t want just gossip; I need facts. I need to protect my friends, but I don’t know what I’m protecting them from, exactly yet. Thanks Anglican Watch. I appreciate you’re trying to do good.
If you Google the lawsuit against the church, which was filed by an adult female, you’ll see the Yates was well aware of the situation and didn’t do much about it. That said, the female victim lost in court on the grounds that the courts couldn’t get involved in the internal affairs of a church. Today, I don’t think the precedent would hold, but it’s still worth noting.
There was a case involving children at TFCE, but it didn’t involve Yates. I was personally very surprised by it, as I know the person involved and it seemed improbable. But that is often the case in those situations.
So I think you can comfortably worship at TFCA. I know several people there and think very highly of them, and I’ve worked with them on homelessness issues.
Keep me posted—finding the right church can be tough.
BTW, he’ll probably reply to you directly, but Stinkbomb is a hoot. He’s a young Episcopal priest, very passionate.. He’d be the first to tell you he gets riled up when the church doesn’t live up to its promises.
Blessings,
Eric Bonetti
Editor
Hey buddy. You’re right—I sometimes take things more seriously than I should. I am passionate about being a priest and serving others and trying to help them find the love of God. It chaps my backside when someone abuses their role as a priest. In this case, the conduct also is by definition abusive. The wife is unhappy in her marriage. Simmons is in the position of power and still married. The correct thing to do is to stay off Match.com and point her to someone who can help her sort through things.
Also, this bit about charm-bombing the wife. One date and he wants to marry?!? Maybe it is having a mom who is a psychologist, but that is typically associated with narcissists.
I’m also livid at the diocese. The husband turned to the diocese for help and got a kick in the ass. The adulterer got rewarded with free counseling. That is a direct violation of church canons and utterly unethical. As a church, we should be doing everything possible to care for the husband. How Susan Goff can call herself a priest, let alone a bishop, and turn her back on someone in so much pain is beyond me.
I agree Stink. It’s become all about doing church, versus being church. Goff is so far removed from actual faith she doesn’t even see an issue in ignoring the needs of the victim. So, two words: Appalling. Pathetic.
Any mother who would do this to her children is trash. Any priest who would encourage her in her adultery is so far beneath contempt that there are no adequate words. Show some respect for the church and resign holy orders. You are a pig.
The adulterous wife is a dumb ass. She is being used/played like a cheap whore on a Friday night.
Hey, similar experience with a trustee at Park Valley Church in Haymarket. I won’t bore you with the details here but will highlight will note how this wealthy man and my wife tried to defame my allegations. My wife and the trustee conspired to have me committed to a state mental institution after I tried to follow a biblical path of marriage restoration. It was a harrowing and devastating series of events that I can now prove and include their lies to a sitting judge. I informed several pastors at Park Valley Church about the situation and one of them literally laughed in my face. The offending trustee used his position as SVP at Fairway Independent Mortgage and his associated finances to destroy my marriage, harm my children and ruin twenty years of hard work I invested in building my family life. I continue to follow the word and know at some point Fairway and this SVP will have to confront their involvement in this terrible legacy. Park Valley Church and several of it’s “pastors” will have to answer for covering this trustee’s actions and this “man” will answer to God for his complicity in harming minor children with his actions and lies. In the meantime, I’m good. I’ve been unexpectedly assigned as the recipient of spousal abuse by multiple agencies and I use this experience as a mirror to help understand why I chose to marry my wife and interact with organizations like Fairway Mortgage and Park Valley Church.
Todd,
I am so sorry about your experience.
– Editor